Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
