That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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