Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
