now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
