I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
