I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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