i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
