FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
