1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
