I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize