my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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