Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
