I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
