you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize