Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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