Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
