Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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