Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
