do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
