just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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