you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
