I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
