i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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