I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
