So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
