Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
