HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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