I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
