please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He's on the porch naked. Help.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
