Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
