I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
