Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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