Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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