During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You pole danced in your parka.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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