I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she smelled like a LAN party
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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