you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
