im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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