im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
