I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize