I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
