you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
