at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
