hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
