It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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