Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
