yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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