It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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