im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am one with the molecules
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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