Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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