oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
