dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Randomize
