I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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