trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
