I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
