Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My feet surprised me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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