On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
