I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
