You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
