matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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