This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
