I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
