I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
