even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I believe in your delicious
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
