I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize