I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
