whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
