my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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