I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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