booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize