i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize