Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
