The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
