why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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