dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
