The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
