I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize