As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
